Day 2: Sex is Power. Power is Power!

Reiterating the fact from Day 1, personality is an amalgamation of several of your facades. It constitutes emotional caliber, sexual prowess, intellectual capacity, and more. Today I wish to focus on my acclaimed sexual nature.

I wouldn't necessarily go out of my way to say that I am an extremely sexual person. I have destructive emotional impulses. And my awareness of those gives me uninhibited freedom to express my opinions. (Call it a milder version of an appropriated Asperger’s Syndrome, for all I care!)

The first time I had any form of sexual relationship was on a whim. Imagine this, I was 16; the world had expanded almost immediately; peer pressure threw me into a rabbit-hole of validation; a fight with my best friend led me to experience pain so rich, I decided not to pursue it for a while. And so like all good things, I did it again and after a while, it felt correct.

HBO acquired the distributive rights for the reboot of Gossip Girl. In one episode two of my favorite characters {although I do admire all the tropes represented by these rich teens and their Lit teacher (you see what I did there? ;)} talk about how sex coupled with emotions is deadly. Once tasted, you can only hope to either have it some more or find another person to fall in love with.

When it comes to me. I revel in the fact that I’ve had a journey. It helped me mature and set boundaries. It helped me analyze and take the power back. It helped me brand myself and take a SWOT analysis. If you were to ask me now if I would have sex with random men, I would not in affirmation. However, the intensity depends on how I feel.

I like when men worship me! Which they do. (Have you seen the material?) What I like even more is when I can feel them and control them. Suffice to say, I enjoy the power dynamics that sex brings rather than the act of sex itself. Having come to know me at this moment, I would argue that my expertise lies in seduction and not intercourse itself. Seduction makes me feel powerful. Me seducing you, that cements my god-like status.

For some of you out there, your partners might be unfazed by the idea of calling quits right after steamy foreplay. (Hello! Consent!!!!). But a lot of us give in to the wishes of the other person and proceed to do, which otherwise we wouldn’t have. Perhaps, that's the beginning of mental exhaustion.

Power dynamics never flow one way. I see them more as a barter system. You give some and you take some. While I would gladly see myself climbing the ladder, it’s also refreshing to see someone take that power right back. It’s kinky and it's fun. What isn’t fun, if you snatch that power calling it your own. It was never yours, to begin with. Heck! It wasn’t even mine. It was a shared effort sustained through a mutual understanding. You erecting false statues of significance is as useless as your intense appeal to have intercourse with me.

What’s useless doesn't always translate to unreasonable. Therefore, you have intercourse with me. I give it to you, because you like it, and because I was confused. I am emotionally destructive. I let my impulses guide me, which may not be as bad of a thing. It just turned out to be shitty for me. I hold no qualms now, but I did once, and that was a period where everything around me crumbled.

When you are in love, you nod in agreement, lest you be seen as pulling away or not giving your partner what they want. After all, a relationship (no matter the closeness), is still a shared effort. Perhaps that’s where my folly lied, I gave myself away too quickly and I molded my belief systems to fit with someone’s perspective of reality, which shouldn’t have mattered in the first place. But I did that nonetheless.

There has never been any shame in acknowledging that. Arguably, it seems like a good way of claiming your power back. Taking the power right back from the people you know you loved and maybe keep on loving, but your relationship with them is too precious than touching genitals or even kissing their lips. So, you take that power back. And it's only then you realize.

Sex IS power and Power IS Power. But Is Sex Power? I don’t think so. For all I know, Sex might be a game, and power might be just one trivial aspect of it. What do you think?

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